Well... don't if you're not particularly satisfied with the decisions you've made with your life.
I went to a 'reunion' of my primary school yesterday - this year being its 50th Anniversary. And I have to say that it wasn't exactly the most fun experience I have attended. Interestingly the buildings are little changed, and even the scale seemed to be much the same as when I left, over a quarter of a century ago, despite my being about twice as big as I was then. But that was the limit of it. There were no people there that I remember, no teachers that ever taught me, and no elements within the vast range of exhibits that had been prepared that came from my 5 years there. In short, nothing but the buildings reminded me of my time there.
And talking of buildings, when I left, after a short time, I decided to visit the local parish church - it being the church where I had my First Communion, and attached to which the school was set up (by nuns, 50 years ago). Sadly I was unable to get in. It saddens me greatly that a Catholic church in the London suburbs isn't open on a Saturday afternoon - you'd think that the nearby shopping 'meccas' might contain a few people who would wish to spend a few quiet moments in contemplation. And, since its school was having an open day, it might have been a good idea to have the church open so that past pupils might come in as well, even if only as a one-off. But no, it was very clearly locked up.
So I left London, bound back to Norfolk, feeling somewhat morose. I was reflecting on the decisions I've taken in the last quarter century. Decisions, which, for good or ill, have seen me to the point I am at in my life now. And it's a point I'm not entirely satisfied with. I regret a lot of wasted opportunities and a lot of things I've done badly at (from the 'mea culpa' point of view).
Hopefully, if there is a silver lining to be had, I'll come out of this more determined to recognise opportunities as they arrive and to not give in to my own weaknesses. After all, there are some paths in my life I feel particularly drawn to. I must take the lesson of yesterday to heart and not let myself repeat the mistakes of the past. The alternative is simply not worth thinking about.
2 comments:
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shadowlands
on
29 March 2009 15:51
I did a return visit to my infant school in Maidenhead in 2000,my school had been demolished.
My dad always advised me on nostalgic type journeys,that they can cause us to feel unsettled in the present. I found this to be the case.Having lived a notoriously unsuccessful past myself,I can encourage you to commit your present to The God who restores the land that the locusts have eaten! -
catholicdiary
on
29 March 2009 19:59
I only left school a few years ago, but I have been back to my secondary school a couple of times. It was quite a scary experience, and wasn't made to feel at all welcome, even though I was invited by a staff member.
Incidently, I was visiting a junior school in a different city this week with a friend who is the chaplain.
We looked around the chapel and on my way out, I glanced to my right and there, embroidered onto the front of a prayer kneeling cushion was the name of one of my good friends at university on my degree course. She had gone to that school and made this cushion herself back in the 90's, and here was me, over a decade later, looking at it with amazement.
I didn't like a lot of people at school, and the feeling was mutual, so I guess I wouldn't like them either. I didn't go to school for our A-level 'graduation', and have no intention of ever going back to any of them!
I find, even at my fresh age, I have made lots of mistakes, and I have regrets, and there are big holes in my heart where chunks have been ripped out, and I get a lump in my throat at the embarrasment of some things. However, I always find that out of everything bad, there is something good - your silver lining and all! Always.
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